It’s been a while

I know it has been a long while since I wrote anything in this here my diary. Things have been really hectic for me. Several bouts of illnesses, nothing too major but still inconvenient non the less. Then I lost my eldest brother. This has cast me into a bout of atypical depression which I am fighting.

I spent the last six months writing in the Hubpages Apprenticeship program and I must admit that I barely made it. It was the wrong time for me dealing with so many ups and downs in my life. There were moments I wanted to give up but my determined nature wouldn’t let me.

I also decided to say yes to my fiance but still have doubts as  I am totally besotted with someone I have never met and really have no plans to ever meet. I love my fiance but sometimes wonder if it’s enough. I know I am not in love with him and think that maybe I want to fall in love. Of course I have been there before and that’s why I miss that kind of love but sometimes it can be a drag as you get so disappointed when things don’t go your way. That kind of love is so volatile and painful.

I am happy, so why mess that up? But I still yearn for more and maybe I am not doing  him any favors by marrying him. Yet I don’t want to lose him at all. What to do, what to do……?!?

Here I am feeling sorrow for my brother and worrying about marrying the wrong man yet I have lived with him for three years….how crazy is that?

We just experienced a hurricane that destroyed our trees and farms. Thank God there were no loss of lives in this one but we have no tv and some of the radio stations are still down. Yippee for the powers that be that I do have my internet back!

Well thanks for stopping by and God Bless.

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