I Am Upset – Sorta


Well, this is freestyle writing and if it doesn't make sense to you, too bad!

Here is the deal. Just completed the first book of 50,000 word novel, in a trilogy for a client. When I submitted the draft he told he he was going to have an author friend assess the book. I was okay with it because I like critique because it helps to improve my writing. He took a little over two weeks to get back to me with suggestions.

The author, who I have never heard of had good things to say but when it came to the characters she had some issues. Her take on the antagonist is that he should have had a more prominent role throughout the entire book and not just the beginning or end. The guy was introduced in the beginning of the story and mentioned throughout but in order not to give away the bad guy too early I minimized his role until it was discovered who he was. Of course I mentioned him on par with someone else so the readers could not decipher who the culprit was. I believe if I was to make him more prominent in the story, I would lose the suspense. When the guy realizes he is backed into a corner his true colors start to show.

The other critique she had was that it wasn't clear if the guy was remorseful or evil. Did she read the story at all? The guy went into hiding, and has faked his death which backfired. But he killed someone to make it look like him, then in the very end he excitedly awaits news that the private jet the father is travelling in blows up. Doesn't that give you an idea of whether or not the guy is eveil? Now this is a suspense novel, which means you can't spell out everything all at once. The first book is left on a cliffhanger. If it's a trilogy, you don't have to have the bad guy showing up in every chapter of the first book. The fact that the second half of the book slowly shows him up for what he is and the cliffhanger should tell you that he is going to play a prominent role in the coming books.

The other critique I don't agree with and this is the reason I don't read some authors is; she wonders if the best friend's role is necessary and his background.

Maybe I should give a synopsis of the story before I continue. (I'm leaving out names)

Girl is leaving University and is the successor to her father's company. Her long time college friend is also her best friend and she relies on him for assistance when she suspects some thing is off with the accounts. He does some digging and found that money is missing and someone is being framed. The person being framed is at first a rival but what the girl doesn't remember is that he was a childhood friend. His name is cleared pretty quickly as they discover that the embezzlement started long before the guy started working at the company but there are two suspects, the father's best friend and the assistant manager for the department. However, she held on to her hostility towards him in a effort to try and fight her growing attraction.

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After an audit it is discovered that that someone is recieving money from an offshore account. They start asking qestions about this person as they have no clue who he is. What they don't know is that the name on the account is wanted by the FBI so any enquiries will alert the feds, who happen to show up with some deadly information. The culprit is no other than the best friend of the father of the girl. He changed his identity but was stealing the money using his real name. The reason the FBI was unable to find him was because they can't touch offshore accounts.

When the man finds that he is being followed by the fbi he sets his plan in motion, something he prepared for in the event he should be caught. He fakes his own death, but, the agent on the case is quick and realizes they have the wrong corpse. In the meantime, the romance and connection between girl and boy is developed.

As it turned out her mother and boy's parents were killed in a boat accident. At the time she was nine and devastated. With the trauma of her mother's death she blocked out snippets of her childhood including the boy she liked. It also turned out that the accident was no accident at all.

Note: The motive is not yet revealed because this is a suspence trilogy.

Now here is my thing. Every writer has his/her writing style. When I read a story I need to know about each character especially the main and supporting characters. A friend who shows up frequently in a book needs to have background. You can't just describe their appearance and leave it at that. They must have a life outside of being around the protonist. That's what builds a story for me. They need character depth to make the story real. I don't like hollow characters and I try to write my charactes with depth.

Now that I've vented I feel much better. I am going to review the story and make the changes I gree with. So am off. I have so much work to do!

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