Today I realized that many people feel guilty or helpless when they can’t offer a word of advice or consolation to the people they consider friends. I tend to feel that way sometimes. I feel their pain and empathize with what they are going through but I am usually stuck when it comes to something nice to say.
The truth is I am more of a doer than talker. Funny…right? Since I am a writer many people assume I love to talk but not so. Many writers will attest to the fact that they are more of the observer than participant. If my friends are near me I cook for them, do their laundry, give them a hug, or just do stuff with them to make them feel better.
Come to think of it, I never expect my friends to go to the extreme that I feel the need to go through in order to be a good friend. For me friendship is simple and requires only one thing……
Before we jump to the one thing let me tell you what I don’t expect from my friends.
- I don’t expect my friends to always have the answer. As a matter of fact, I don’t always expect my friends to tell me that it’s okay or even offer words of advice.
- I love honesty and value that in any relationship but I don’t always expect my friend to be honest either. There are times a friend will lie to protect you or themselves. Yeah, they’ll do something you may not approve of and lie about it. I can’t break a friendship because of that.
- I don’t always expect my friend to be loyal to only me. I am not the center of the world. Why would I expect my friend to have only me as friend?
- I don’t always expect my friend to be kind. It is quite unreasonable in my opinion to always expect your friend to say yes to your every need. There comes a time we ourselves must say NO so my friend can say “no I can’t today,” or “I’m sorry I can’t help you,” without me feeling bruised.
However, I do expect my friend to BE THERE. They don’t always have to be there in person, or even all the time, just those moments I need a friend. Those moments I am lonely and need someone to talk to. The low points in my life when life gives you a kick, like illnesses, grief, sorrow, despair or depression. If you can’t be there in person send an email or pickup the phone, just let me know you are THERE.
But, I also expect that…no…I require that my friend share moments of pleasure, elation, gladness, joy, peace and happiness with me. Those moments when life picks me up. When I feel like a new person. Whenever I feel like I won the lottery, or if I do win the lottery. I expect my friend to be there to share those precious moments with me.
If I say I am your friend I mean it, and it simply means I love you, whether you are near or far. This post is dedicated to the people who are far away from me who I cannot be with to give a hug, cook for or do your laundry.
I love you.