It’s been three years and trying to decide, setting a date and finalizing stuff.
Well, the good news is I figured out what I want but it’s gonna hurt. I have always known that I wasn’t in love with my fiance. I love him, appreciate and adore him but something has always been missing.
I agonized long and hard over whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I could, and I wouldn’t be that unhappy. I can’t say I’m unhappy now but I know I’d spend the rest of my life wondering if I could be happier.
After months of discussion I realized that I would be giving up most, if not all my needs to marry this man. It was a simple discussion which lasted a few months which opened my eyes.
Every girl dreams of how she wants to get married.I don’t want a huge affair but I want my family and close friends there. I want to sip champagne and eat finger food. This man wants us to stand in front of a Minister with just one witness. I spent my whole life waiting for the right moment to say I do. I don’t mind not having a big ceremony but I need a reception to celebrate and he doesn’t want a reception
I cannot sacrifice any more of my dreams so I said, “I don’t want to get married”. We haven’t discussed it since but he keeps hinting at a wedding. He thinks I’m joking but I’m not. I have never been married and I am 42 years old. I have decided that I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone than marry because I am alone.
I don’t need to get married. Marriage is what two people do when they know they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. I don’t want t spend the rest of my life regretting my marriage.
I have decided that I need a new start but I need to find the right occasion to break the news that I’m moving out, back to my own home….which is actually next…across the street! That’s what makes it so hard. How can I move out and still live next door to the man I hurt….gosh, what to do?